Everyone is prone to moments of stupidity now and again. Most people have subconsciously paused at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, or started sweating while trying to quickly add up the correct change for the bus driver. With that said, there’s a difference between someone’s mind going blank for a second or a silly mistake, and moments of truly unbelievable stupidity.
While we tend to move through the world assuming that most people are pretty smart, humanity will occasionally surprise us by showing us just how dumb people are capable of being. From people being unfamiliar with whole continents, to misunderstandings over how the WiFi actually works, these are the stupidest conversations that the people of the internet have ever witnessed. Brace yourself.
1. No use crying over spilt eggs
I just had a customer yell at me for putting their eggs in a separate bag, saying they don’t want all those bags and the paper ones always rip. Before putting it in the bag and throwing a pound of flour on top…
It was somewhat satisfying seeing their face as we heard the cracks, until I realized I’m the one who needed to clean it up. Oh also she complained that we hadn’t warned her about the fragility of eggs.
2. Whose money is it anyway?
My husband has a friend who racked up a couple thousand dollars in credit card debt. She usually was the one getting the mail, but one day her husband got it and opened up the statement. He confronted her with the number and the fact that it looked like the balance had never been paid in the several months she’d had it. She had no idea what he was talking about. She didn’t know you had to pay a bill for using your own money.
He explained to her over and over that credit cards aren’t money and they don’t work the same as debit cards, and you have to pay the balance on them after using them. She wasn’t getting it. He took control of the card after that. Luckily he had enough in savings and enough income that he paid it off within a month or two, but he wasn’t happy.
3. At least they got one thing right
In grade ten, we had a science test, and the teacher gave one point for putting a date on the paper, and one point for your name on the paper.
Then there were 98 points for the rest of the test. A guy sitting in front of me got 0.5/100… he didn’t write the date and only wrote his first name.
4. More for your money
In the 80’s, A&W attempted to compete with McDonald’s “quarter-pounder” burger by selling a “third-pounder” for the same price. The operation failed tremendously, with virtually no one buying the burger.
When they surveyed customers for an explanation, the majority of customers responded that they “didn’t want to pay the same price for less meat.” Their customers genuinely believed that one third was less than one fourth and refused to try the new A&W burger because of it.
5. Happy hour confusion
I was a bartender and we have a 50% off everything happy hour. Had a woman tell me how the happy hour at another place was better because it was buy one get one free.
After I attempted calmly to explain to her she got upset with me and asked to see my manager who then tried to explain the same thing to her. We ended up giving her the vodka soda she orders for free and letting her leave. Pretty sure she still does not understand.
6. Learning to see clearly
Here’s one for you. Visiting my parents one day, who are always right and know everything.
Full length sliding patio doors, basically a wall of glass, with the net curtains pulled back, and their parrot which was out of its cage flew into the glass numerous times, the last time there was blood on its face. I spoke up “for god’s sake pull the nets across, the poor thing can’t see the glass” I was rounded on and shot down in flames. “Of course it bloody can, don’t be so stupid”.
I shut the f*** up, I know when I’m on a loser. 20 minutes later a cat walked into the garden, so my dad jumped up out of his chair and charged straight into the glass. I didn’t need to say a damn word.
7. Just another name
I used to teach university students. The kids were 20-21 years old and in the second year of either molecular biology, biochemistry, or microbiology. When I handed back assignments I told them that they were alphabetized by last name.
Every week 90% of them would flip through the stack one-by-one whether their name was Atkins or Zanzibar. They didn’t listen, they didn’t learn.
8. Get off my lawn!
I work for a lawn care company in Indianapolis. SO MANY customers have come out and started screaming, “Who are you and what’re you doing on my lawn?”
The thing is, so many of these people have been customers for years, they can clearly see my uniform and what I’m doing (treating their lawn), and almost all pay upfront for a year’s worth of service.
I once said that moonshine/everclear isn’t 100% alcohol. It’s like 95% alcohol because some of the ethanol gets converted to water. We were watching a History Channel documentary about moonshiners, and literally, every person in the room disagreed and was adamant that moonshine is “well over 100% alcohol.”
No amount of reasoning on my part could talk sense into them. They were convinced that moonshine was over 100% alcohol. To this day, I still don’t understand.
10. Puppy problems
I’m a veterinary technician. A dog was brought in for an ear infection. We sent home meds and showed the owners how to give them. Owners couldn’t remember whether the meds went in the ears or the eyes.
And so they decided it had to be the eyes. Because that’s how you treat an ear infection, right? The poor dog.
11. A shocking discovery
Went to school with a guy who bragged about his dad being an electrician and how that meant he had superior knowledge about electricity and how it worked. During science class he argued with the teacher that “common” metal items like a fork or paper clip wouldn’t act as a conductor and could be safely stuck into a wall outlet.
A few days later he comes to school with most of his left arm bandaged. Turns out he held a handful of metal utensils in his hand and thrust one into the outlet.
12. Waiting for nothing
A perfect example of idiotic British compliance: I join a long queue of people waiting for the ticket machines in Glasgow Central train station. It would appear that only 1 of the 7 machines is working since there are no lights on the others (like most technology, they go into power-saving mode). Running late, I say loudly and indirectly, “has anyone tried the other machines?” A few people glance back at me like I’ve just asked a ridiculous question and resume standing vacant in the queue, so I repeat “anyone tried the other machines?”
To which I receive the same dismissive glances, except this time one guy says “why do you think we’re standing here mate?” I then walk past the entire queue, up to the machines and touch the other six screens at which point they all light up in full working order and everyone in the queue feels like a massive, brain-dead, line-loving, conforming a**.
13. Where are you from?
I’m from the UK and have a Southern England BBC announcer accent. On moving to the USA a few years ago I had someone ask me how long I’d been in the country, I said 2 weeks, she looked me dead in the eye and said seriously “Wow that is amazing… I would never have guessed, your English is SO good”.
People ask me where I’m from a lot and I usually say “Wisconsin” (because I’m hilaaaaaaaaaarious), and the amount of people who reply “Oh wow… really?” and look at me with genuine amazement is just… a lot.
14. An F in Geography
When I was a sophomore in high school, a classmate asked to borrow a pen, and I lent him one of mine that had the Eiffel Tower on it. He asked where the building was from, and I said Paris. He gave me a confused look and asked where Paris was. Was it further away than Chicago? Now it was my turn to be confused. We were in high school, how the hell did he not know Paris was in France? But whatever, maybe he’s not the brightest. So I inform him that Paris is in France.
But he still looks utterly confused. I assume he misheard me, so I started explaining it. *”France, you know, like, FRANCE. From history class? World War II, Napoleon… that France.” He said he was bad at history, and had never heard of France before. He then asked me if it was another state, or was it like a region of our state.
15. Pushing her buttons
Back when I worked in retail, a customer who had bought a phone on a Thursday came back Saturday night claiming it’s not working. She said she and her husband have tried to turn the phone on all weekend long and it wouldn’t turn on. I take the phone, push the power button and it turns on. She looked shocked and said “what did you do?”, and I said, “nothing, just pressed the power button”.
I asked her to show me what she did and she takes the phone and presses the volume button and says “see? It won’t turn on”. This lady, and her husband, spent an entire weekend trying to turn a phone on via the volume button amd didn’t consider for a second to try any of the other ones.
16. Something’s not adding up
I used to work in payroll for a 24-hour facility that did paper timesheets. One time, I sent a timesheet back to a supervisor because the employee listed 28 hours in one day. The supervisor tried to talk to the employee, but the employee swore I was trying to underpay him. He asked for a meeting with me and the Controller. During this meeting, he said he worked an overnight in the residential area, then covered two school shifts, and had another overnight scheduled that day – for 28 total hours.
I tried to explain that there are only 24 hours in a day, and he said, “According to who? You? (pointing at me) You? (pointing at the controller) You?! (pointing at his supervisor) All of you just want to underpay me because it’s overtime! Do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I’m not educated? I know my rights, and you have to pay me for the time I work, and that day, it was 28 hours!”
17. Going electric
I once owned a SmartCar and some stranger approached me at a gas station about why I didn’t have a “Slow vehicle” sign in the back of it “[…] since all moped-cars must have that!”.
I tried explaining that it was a real car – just a bit smaller – but he didn’t take it. According to him, I was driving illegally and he was surprised the police hadn’t stopped me yet on the highway.
18. One size fits all
I worked as an optician for many years and one of my clients was a little girl who got her first pair of glasses. A week after picking them up the little girl and her mother returned complaining that the glasses weren’t made right. I pulled her file and double-checked the prescription, they were made correctly.
I placed them on the table and began to explain that they were made according to the RX and maybe we should adjust the fit. The mom swiped them off the table and put them on. She screamed, “These are made wrong! My little girl can’t see out of them and neither can I!” I had to explain to her that the glasses were made special for her daughter and that she shouldn’t be able to see out of them.
19. The wrong kind of keyboard
I teach kids piano at a local music school. A young girl (5 or so) had come in for her first lesson and I asked the Dad if they had a keyboard at home so his daughter could practice.
The dad said yes, so I went onto to explain an exercise we did and said it’s important that his daughter starts it on the note C when she’s practising at home.
He was a bit confused why she had to start on C and I could sense something was not quite right, I ask him again you do have a keyboard at home yeah? “Yeah with the computer”
20. Pizza time
I worked at Little Caesars and we were proofing the dough for pizza. My boss said (at 7 pm) that the dough needed to rise for 12 hours, and took out her calculator to do the math. So I said ummm that’s gonna be 7 am.
Then she said the dough will expire in 48 hours and started doing the math again. I told her it would expire two days from now, and she said: “that’s kinda weird how that works out huh?”
I quit shortly after that.
21. Toothbrush troubles
My friend owns an electric toothbrush and has done for several years. He would apply the toothpaste to the toothbrush, take a deep breath (you know, the way you do when you’re getting yourself pumped for something), turn it on and put it into his mouth as quickly as he could. That half a second before it’s in his mouth causes toothpaste to splatter everywhere.
One day I told him that you could put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, put the toothbrush in your mouth, and THEN turn it on; saving him from losing most of the toothpaste to the surrounding walls before he even had it in his mouth. He was blown away.
22. Predicting the weather
A man I worked with told me that his wife thought the percentage of rain in the forecast was the total amount of rain that would fall that day. Like somehow there was a finite amount of rain allotted each day.
He said he had spent hours arguing with her and she never changed her mind. I think about this woman every time it rains.
23. Mammoths for breakfast
We studied the American West during History A-level. We were doing a lesson on the buffalo and how useful they were and how they effectively ran out of then to eat. One girl puts her hand up and says ‘Could they not just eat the other hairy animals?’.
Cue confusion, and asking what other hairy animals. She then follows up with ‘The big ones, with the trunks.’ Mammoths, she wanted them to eat mammoths.
24. Close to the WiFi
I work in IT. I once had a lady call me from home because she couldn’t get connected to her VPN. I asked her if she was connected to her home wireless network. She replied saying that she did not have home wireless. I then asked how she was connecting to the internet.
Her reply was “I’m using the cell tower. I can see it from my house.”. While this is technically possible with a hotspot or cellular card in your PC, this isn’t what she meant. She thought she could get internet service via WiFi from the cell tower.
25. Raw oil
A girl in my Geography class was wondering loudly why Africa was so poor when it had all this industry and infrastructure. We were comparing a map of Europe and Africa. We are from Europe… A year later, we were talking about raw materials like wood, grain and fossil fuels and the shortage of such, and international trade in general.
Apparently, she was under the impression that all raw materials could be grown, because she suggested in all seriousness to just grow more oil trees to stop the European dependence on Russia and the Middle East.
26. The apple doesn’t fall far from the… grocery store
I had a roommate in college that legitimately didn’t know food came from sources other than a grocery store. I grew up in a town that has a significant number of apple orchards, so I was always bringing apple and apple-related products back to the apartment after visiting home.
he was genuinely confused as to why I’d buy apples there instead of waiting to get them when I got back.
27. Lending a hand
I work in a bakery icing doughnuts. I once was training a guy and left for a few minutes for the restroom or something.
I come back to him having filled a f***ing glove full of icing with a fingertip snipped off (like a poor man’s piping bag), trying to decorate a doughnut. He told me he’s apparently decorated cakes before, but I for some reason don’t believe him.
28. Two ladders are better than one
My dad was going to pressure wash the front of our home (which is a two-story) and he didn’t have a large enough ladder to reach the top. Well, he “figured out a way” to reach the top of the house.
He decided what’s better than one ladder is two. Yes, he actually planned on stacking our two ladders. He told me this idea before I just didn’t think he would be dumb enough to try it. Well, he tried to do it but thankfully we stopped him before he could get the other ladder on top.
29. Egg on her face
Went to a vocational high school where I studied culinary arts under a teacher that makes Gordon Ramsey look like a complete saint. One day, he tells the most annoying popular girl in our class to hard boil half a case of eggs. Not only does she end up boiling twice that amount, around 200-300 eggs, but she’s also cracking them into the boiling water.
Even with limited cooking knowledge, everyone knows that’s not how you hard boil an egg, and we all told her that. She told us to f*** off, then got the teacher to come over and inspect the fantastic job she was doing.
Needless to say, three minutes of the teacher screaming at her later, she ran crying into the bathroom, and we took hard-boiled eggs off the menu for that day.
30. A soggy road trip
My friend’s ex-boyfriend bought a new truck because he wanted to go to Hawaii and the old one “probably wouldn’t make it there.”
When I told him there weren’t roads all the way to Hawaii, he laughed and told me that Hawaii was a state….like that proved his point.
31. Lukewarm lesson
This happened while I was in chef school.
One dude in my class comes to my teacher and wants to ask a question. “Sure, go ahead” “From where can I get lukewarm water?” (He’s making bread and using yeast).
My teacher laughed but when he and I saw that he was serious our teacher just stood there and looked confused. “Uuhm…from the sink?”, I said. “Oh yeah sure”, he answered and went away. My teacher shook his head.
32. Tech frustrations
I worked at a Blockbuster a year ago as a shift leader. There was this rich entitled blonde working, and we decided to mess with her a bit.
I called her from the office (which had a one-way mirror) and told her that the printer was out of paper and we were expecting an important fax. I told her to call office depot and ask them to fax us over some paper, and just charge the business account.
We watched as she called and argued with a guy for about two minutes. He kept trying to say he couldn’t do that, and she’d reply “no, it’s okay, we have an account. Just charge the account!” He finally decided it was a prank and hung up, I guess.
I’m not sure she ever figured out why they couldn’t just fax us some clean white paper.
33. World cuisine
My brother’s girlfriend was shocked when I told her that not only do Mexico and Morocco not border each other but are not even on the same continent. She insisted that she knows a Mexican/Moroccan restaurant so “they must be almost the same”.
Turns out it was neither Mexican nor Moroccan but a Spanish restaurant. We had good laugh about it. She is still a sweet girl.
34. Man versus machine
Was waiting on my wife in the lobby at the theatre. Watched a woman trying to get soda out of one of those fancy touch screen soda fountains. When it didn’t have the flavour combination she wanted (vanilla coke, maybe?) she flipped off the machine. Like, right in its touch screen face. I thought it was pretty funny.
But then I watched her go back to the home screen and try to select the flavour combo again like five times, and each time the machine rejected her request, she gave it the finger. There were several other soda fountains present, but she tried this one over and over again. My wife came back before I saw the conclusion of this man vs machine confrontation.
35. Midday or midnight
I was walking out of a fast food restaurant after eating lunch. A car rolled down their window and asked me what time it was.
I replied like 11:45. They then asked in the morning or night? I just kinda looked around, glanced at the sun. It’s morning bud.
36. Pristine packaging
I used to work in a cellphone store. Without fail, at least 60% of the customers I sold iPhones to would come back within a half-hour complaining of sound issues… and look dumbfounded as I removed the sticky plastic sheet used for protection from the front of the phone and completely fix the problem.
It wasn’t a proper screen protector so it covered the front speaker, and somehow 60% or so of people didn’t realise that ‘remove the packaging’ meant all of it.
37. Prank petition
I heard about a guy who started an online petition to ban a very dangerous substance called “dihydrogen monoxide.” He listed off all sorts of dangerous things the substance did, such as being a major component of acid rain.
There were a whole lot of others, that’s just the only one I recall off the top of my head. Dihydrogen monoxide is another way of saying H2O. People were actually signing a petition to ban water.
38. The dark side of the Moon
At my first job, when I was 16, they made me a supervisor because their other options were so dumb. My best story about this guy I’ll call “Jake” was when he asked me where the rest of the Moon went. Please understand that this guy was 23 at the time.
I said “What?” “Well other people have tried to explain it to me, but I never am able to understand where the rest of the Moon goes every month.” So I held up a golf ball next to the Moon (about 10am) and had to explain that the whole Moon is still there, we just can’t see the part that’s shaded. The look of dawning comprehension on his face was beautiful.
39. Portion control
At a family gathering, everyone decided that we would order a bunch of pizza for dinner. Going around the room and asking what kind everybody liked to make sure everyone got satisfied. My redneck cousin is a rather large fellow (6’5” 300lbs). We asked him if he could handle a large all on his own, he said he could.
Followed that up by asking how many slices he wanted it cut into, 8 or 12. His reply: “Uh, you better cut it into 8 because I don’t think I can eat 12. 🤦♂️
40. Fear of pasta
A man in Suffolk, UK called up a radio station complaining about pasta being foreign muck and how he wouldn’t eat it.
But he proceeded to say how quarantine has people bulk buying all the mac and cheese in a can, and that he hasn’t been able to get any for himself. When the radio presenter told him Mac and cheese was pasta he wouldn’t have it.
41. Suspiciously realistic
Back in the 2000s when I was in HS, we got hit with an earthquake. Nothing too big but man, watching the solid ground move like WATER is f***ing surreal.
Anyway, was in study hall and the ground and the building started shaking and moving and the freshman next to me starts yelling “Is this a drill? Is this a drill?!”
Yes, Collin, our s***ty-ass poor af school has earthquake simulation tech to run these neato drills. Now get your dumbass under your desk.
42. Controlling the weather
Lived in an area with a lot of wind turbines nearby. On one occasion a tourist told me “it wouldn’t be so windy here if they turned off those fans”. Was also hot in the same area.
Another person told me “this place would be a lot cooler if you turned on more of the fans out there”. Both 100% serious.
43. Old wives’ tale
I used to work with a woman that was absolutely convinced that milk spoiling was a precursor for thunderstorms. I tried to ask if anyone drank out of the carton and told her a handful of scientific reasons why milk might spoil before its expiration date.
She just replied, “No, it went bad because of these storms.” (it was a stormy day, that day). I don’t think I ever tried to have an intelligent conversation with her again, after that.
44. Fax don’t care about your feelings
I once had some guy that was trying to fax us documents but we just kept getting a fax of an envelope. After like 10 times I was speaking with the guy and I said: “Sir, we are only getting a fax of a returned envelope.”
Then he screams “They are in the f***ing envelope!!” … I had to explain that faxes do not replicate things.
45. Animal welfare
I worked in a fancy hotel a couple of years ago. There was a bar where the bar top was a giant fish tank. A coworker from another department and I were talking about how cool that was.
She then said she was confused about how they breathed being enclosed in glass and underwater. Um, because they’re fish ma’am. They don’t need to come up for air.
My mom (nearly 70 years old) was all panicked one day that her email had been hacked. She wasn’t making sense via text or phone, so I decided to drive over and see since she was in such a panic.
Turns out she had right-clicked, viewed the source code, and saw that the word “Anonymous” was in the source code and was sure that Anonymous hacked her.
47. Helium breath
Blowing up balloons with my future wife for a party, and she asked if I could blow up some of the floating balloons. I asked her to explain what she had said again, to which she repeated that she wanted me to blow up, with my mouth, the balloons that floated, as they would look nicer.
I tried to explain that you would need helium for that, as by using our breath alone would not produce the right gases to make them float etc. To which she replied that I ‘just wasn’t trying hard enough’, in a huff. My university educated wife and I are still married, happily, to this day.
48. Sticking to the menu
Several years ago when I was on vacation with my family, my dad and I stopped at a WaWa to grab some sandwiches. My dad ordered a two-foot sub for himself and my mom to which the person making the sandwiches replied “sir, we don’t make a two-foot sub.. we have a 6 incher, a 12 incher and a 24 incher.” Thinking that this was a joke, my dad laughed it off and went along with the order and asked for a two-foot sub again.
At this point the person making the sandwiches got really aggravated and doubled down on his answer saying again: “Sir, I just told you!! We don’t make a two-foot sub.. we have a 6 incher, a 12 incher and a 24 incher.” I’ll never forget the look on my dad’s face when he realized how serious this guy was and that it wasn’t a joke. My dad replied with a quick “OK, fine. A 24-inch sub then please.” We still laugh about it from time to time.
49. Solar eclipse
Several years ago I posted an article on Facebook about an eclipse that would be happening that night. A girl from my high school commented on it saying how the article is from the US (I live in Canada) and therefore there wouldn’t be an eclipse (and not as in a sun and moon that don’t overlap due to the angle we are them at in Canada vs US, she thought the eclipse only existed in the US and thought I was stupid for posting an article from the US).
I asked her “so are you suggesting there is more than one sun and moon visible from Earth, and here in Canada we have a different sun and moon?” She stopped arguing with me after that.
50. Picky customer
Worked in a photo lab. A college-aged lad came in and asked for help on a kiosk to print a 6×4 photo. Easy. I pointed at the 4×6 option and asked if he needed help uploading his photo.
He told me he didn’t want the 4×6, he wanted a 6×4. I tried explaining we could rotate the photo to landscape but after about 5 minutes he still didn’t understand and said he’d try a different store. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting.