Casting the first stone
Plenty of people have plenty to say about Dubai – and rightly so. Its environmental footprint and sustainability – it is a city in the desert, after all – are just the start. Then there’s the materialism and love of consumerism of many of its citizens. And last, but absolutely not least, there’s the ongoing issue of slave labor.
However, as correct as the first commenter above is, the second also makes a very valid point – and one that many Americans overlook in their hurry to cast shade elsewhere.
Good friends
If you need someone to tell it like it is, you can always rely on a good friend. And it needs to be a good friend, not someone who tiptoes around you, sugar-soaping what they say or worrying that honesty won’t be well-received.
The guy responding to his friend’s rather plaintive idea about changing his Facebook status definitely qualifies as a good friend. He pulls no punches but does so with a certain amount of humor that, hopefully, left the first guy smiling – if a little ruefully.
The party invite that fell flat
We’ve all been there! The parents are out of town so it’s the ideal opportunity to get in the kegs, call up the guys and blast the music. Yes, it’s party time back at the ranch!
Sadly, for this young guy, his joyous invitation falls on stony ground. First, and fundamentally, he appears not to have many friends. Second, his attempt to make the party sound way cooler than it was probably ever going to be is completely shot through by the local police department pointing out that no-one seems interested in partying with him.
Schoolboy humor
If you’ve ever spent any time at all around the adolescent male – or if you’ve ever been one – you’ll know that they specialise in a very particular brand of humor. Or should that be “humor”?
The guy responding to this tweet comes up with perhaps the most effective comeback possible for this group of dressed-up, self-satisfied teens. Not only does the response highlight their youth but it’s also probably all the more effective for having come from another guy.
No sharing tables
The Netflix crackdown on password sharing may make commercial, legal and even perhaps moral sense but it’s sure as heck annoyed many of the streaming giant’s customers. Many of them have responded with their feet – or at least by cancelling their subscriptions.
While Netflix probably anticipated this drop in active subscriptions, they probably didn’t expect this witty response to their advertising campaign about their new restaurant. On the other hand, the old saying about no such thing as bad advertising is probably making company execs rub their hands in satisfaction at a job well done.
Face palm
We get it : if you’re a Trump supporter, this little exchange is bound to sting. Or, if not to sting, to make you bluster and bristle with outrage. (And, of course, there’s a third possibility: that you just don’t understand the comeback at all.)
The Jim Crow laws (the witty responder has misspelt the name), which as anyone who paid attention in history and social studies classes will know, introduced racial segregation in the Southern US in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. Unfortunately, as this exchange highlights, we can’t rest on our laurels as the likes of Trump do their best to turn back time.
Low prices
How can this message sender not end up regretting her humble brag? Boys always want her, she says – and it’s such a nuisance. However, the second emoji gives her away: she loves it, and she wants whoever it is she’s messaging to know that.
Most of us have known people who behave like this – and we don’t always know what to say in response. Not sure this person. In fewer a dozen words, she (OK, we’re guessing here – but it probably is a she, right?) has the perfect retort that’s just guaranteed to leave her “friend” wishing she hadn’t tried to sell quite so many tickets on herself.
Faith over fear
Who hasn’t met an anti-masker over the last couple of years? You could even be one yourself. If so, let’s hope you don’t advertise your decision making in the same way as Pastor Greg Locke.
However, while Pastor Greg might not have been expecting the response he got, he had a quick fire retort ready to send back. Of course, that retort does nothing for the reputation of faith in general or his church in particular but it’s amusing in its own “how did we get here!” way.
The definition of acting
It seems this is a question that never gets old. As a result, it’s one that most actors and casting directors will be very familiar with, and doubtless have either learned to ignore or have a couple of stock responses ready to chuck back at the ignorant questioner.
This guy, however, makes a great point – and one that we hope other actors will adopt, adapting it to their own particular needs. After all, it’s acting not metamorphosis.
Missing the point
If you’re British, you know that the appearance of the Cross of St George (the English flag) in this post means that the poster is proudly patriotic – in a way that other British people may be uncomfortable with. However, it’s hard to disagree with the beauty of the images posted, isn’t it?
Well, actually, as the replier obliquely points out: you can find England beautiful while also taking issue with certain more problematic aspects of the country – and we’ll leave you to think about what those might be.
The price of freedom
Freedom is a big deal to the average American – and understandably so. However, there’s a certain triumphalism in the “proud to be free” claim that puts up the back of the average European.
This European gets halfway to a decent retort with their first response but the original American poster thinks they have it in the bag with the comment about the flags on the moon. Guess they weren’t seeing the hospital bill retort coming! (Although, of course, the effect of the response depends on the original poster realising that European health care is structured very differently.)
The late Mr….
If you appreciate a good pun, this old joke is a decent one – or at least it would be if it wasn’t being applied to a situation that apparently actually played out at one of India’s notoriously busy railway stations.
If we can manage – and it’s understandable if you can’t – to separate the pun about the late passenger becoming the late Mr Whoever after he falls under his train from the real life person who met his end this way, it’s worthy of a chuckle.
Rent rises
Even the original post here contains a decent riposte. If you’re not on the side of landlords – and that’s pretty much anyone who isn’t a landlord – you’ll appreciate the humor of the dumped girl managing to score her ex a rent rise by dating his landlord.
Unfortunately for our cock-a-hoop gal, one of the responses might have taken her down a peg or two, by suggesting that her response is suggestive of sour grapes and that she’s not quite over the guy yet……
Princess dreams
There can’t be many little girls who haven’t dreamed of becoming (or at least being treated like) a princess. This daydreamer took to social media to express her dream – and maybe came to regret it.
The reply is as witty as it is true. Anyone who’s paid even the smallest amount of attention to school history lessons should have picked up the fact that, historically, royalty treated its girls and women like beautifully gilded possessions. Indeed, some may suggest that not much has changed…
Parking fail
It’s anything more likely to invoke rage in the average driver, it’s hard to imagine. Arriving at the grocery store to discover that some evolutionary throw-back has parked their car across two spaces is maddening. And so much the worse if, in doing so, they’ve taken up the last two spaces.
This thwarted parker, however, came up with a genius response, involving a short notice, a smiley face and, perhaps, a quick trip to the bathroom to buy a Durex to leave under the BMW driver’s windscreen wiper. Bet that raised a smile in response – not!
Smarter than the average lab rat?
It’s funny (in an odd, not a ha ha way) how some people have such strong feelings about IQ tests. Take this test-taker, for instance. It’s hard to work out if they’re proud of their score or not. Perhaps they are – or perhaps it was just for context that they included the qualifying information beneath the chart.
Whatever their intention, the question about science-based fields of employment is cringe-inducing. And, sure enough, some smart aleck – presumably keen to indicate their own higher IQ – comes up with the perfect(ly cruel) response.
Just nope!
Hopefully, this questioner was merely posing a hypothetical question. Equally, let’s hope that his witty first response comes from someone who never finds himself in a situation where he feels he can put his own advice into practise.
On the other hand, perhaps we should just hope that Anonymous’ hypothetical mom and sister have all the guts and balls necessary to kick a chancer to the curb – no questions asked.
A veteran no-hoper
Like the guy in this photo, we’re definitely on the side of the veteran. And, so too, as if you didn’t need telling, is the whole country. In case you did need a heads up, someone has posted this handy list of all the various Veterans’ days marked in the US every year.
It’s just a pity that the ignorant, bigoted guy holding up the cardboard sign isn’t going to see it. Mind you, if he’s the flat earth type, he probably wouldn’t believe it anyway.
Taking it literally
Whether intentional or not, this is a genius response. If you’re the pedantic sort or just very black and white in how you view the world, this sort of syntax is either infuriating or causes no end of confusion as you take what’s asked very literally indeed.
Judging by his smile and thumbs up, we’re going to hazard a guess that the guy in this thumbnail photo knows exactly what he’s doing with his response – and we love it!
Reading the manual?
It’s such a breathtaking admission of ignorance that there’s a fair chance many people just rolled their eyes and scrolled on by. After all, why engage with the crazies if you don’t have to?
Not our man, Jeff! He decides he’s going to make what he doubtless considers an educated guess and use it to make a point about guns and the sort of people who keep them at home. Unfortunately, whether the original poster is a gun-owner or not, he has the perfect riposte for the comment.
How to survive being chased by a horror villain
It’s a classic topic for late night conversations with friends. How would you survive a horror movie? Well, for a start you definitely wouldn’t go down into that basement and when the plinky-plonky music comes on, you’d know it was time to run. But what if you were being chased? Not so easy now, is it – even if you could pick your villain!
However, u/rapiertwit has the answer you’ll want to take for your own – although it won’t help you if you’re young, fit and armed.
The guy who won’t take no for an answer
Self-righteous guys who feel entitled to a woman, whether out of religious fervour or macho social conditioning, always need taking down a peg or two. Finding a satisfactory way of achieving this isn’t always easy, in part due to the “cloth ear” syndrome that so many suffer from.
Hopefully, however, Sarah’s response penetrated Dale’s thick skull – although we doubt he’ll take on board her pointed suggestion that his homily stemmed from rejection.
Dating wish list
Plenty of people have unrealistic dating wish lists. Some might suggest that this lack of realism accounts for a good number of folk who never quite manage to get it together with someone else. Often, it’s tricky to pinpoint their fussiness. What is it, they wonder, that makes them so unrealistic? Not sure with this girl. After all, where is she going to find a guy who’s never seen another woman?
Luckily for her, Waly has the answer – and he directs her posthaste to the National Society of the Blind and Partially Sighted.
English or American?
Both of these posters think they’re getting one over the other – and both have a point. However, there is a certain irony in somebody criticising but not understanding the idiosyncrasies of their own language.
However, it’s the final post that gives pause for thought – and not for the reason the poster probably hoped. The etymology of the English language relates less to the British Isles and more to languages that originated in what’s now Germany, Denmark and the Netherlands. Now, where’s the clever comeback about that?
Prime Ministerial mandates
This is one for the Brits: Rishi Sunak’s admirable-sounding summary of the King’s Speech to Parliament, which set out the Government’s forthcoming plans for the UK. So far, so good? Well, maybe. With an election on the cards and a Commons majority in doubt, it sounds more like hyperbole.
Fortunately, one guy got to the nub of the issue, by referencing Grindr, the popular hookup site for gay men. And what joy there is in the pun that he comes up with to cast more shade on Sunak than any opposition politician has managed!
No Googling
As memes go, this one’s quite amusing. The original poster was presumably hoping for answers along the lines of “the printing press”, “automobiles” (that one was courtesy of Karl Benz, in case you were wondering) or – and notwithstanding its chequered history – even “the zeppelin”.
However, trust a smart aleck to puncture a history pop quiz like a Zeppelin going down in flames……because, yes, the Germans invented all of those things without recourse to Google. Get it?
Interruptions
People prone to interrupting: we all come across them, and they never cease to be annoying. What better way for someone to make you feel that nothing you can say is as important, valid or urgent than anything they have to tell you.
Knowing how to react to a persistent interrupter is tricky. Some people merely sigh, shrug and let the interrupter get on with it. However, if you fancy a comeback, this meme offers a good one – although we can’t guarantee that your interrupter won’t just talk on through it.
Making a marshmallow out of you
Are you guilty of spending too long living your life through a screen the size of a pop tart? If so, there’s a fair chance you end up engaging not only with other people like you but also with trolls, bots and…..marshmallow sandwiches.
Whether the voice behind the MoonPie X handle is a real person or a bot with a sense of humor hardly matters. The response is genius, and guaranteed to make the original poster take a toe curling look at his or her life priorities.
Don’t be so sure!
Here we have yet another sanctimonious, self-righteous man who holds women up to standards he almost certainly doesn’t adhere to himself. (The clue to this is in his use of the word “wife”, instead of “hookup” or, possibly, “girlfriend”.)
Hopefully the hilarious response from Cameron Scally made Mr I-Set-the-Standards think again. Sadly, we doubt it. Anyone with the handle “MasculineTheory” is surely beyond hope.
History lesson
As if to prove that not everyone pays attention in history lessons, we have this poster who’s chosen an image of Cleopatra as their profile picture. She (or he?) then decides to take issue with someone else’s attempt to “romanticise a murderous emperor” (Napoleon).
Unfortunately for this Napoleon critic, they immediately find themselves coming up against someone who did pay attention in history – and so is able to point out the irony of using a Cleopatra profile picture. After all, the famous Cleopatra was at least as murderous as Napoleon…..
Walls don’t work
Perhaps one can’t expect the wall-loving Trump to see the irony in what he says here when he’s attempting to poke fun at his arch nemesis, Nancy Pelosi. However, that irony’s there and it’s too tempting not to point out.
Indeed, Trump gets halfway there himself, commenting that Pelosi’s wall “didn’t work very well”. Fortunately, there’s an eager social media hound ready to take Trump on to the conclusion that “walls don’t work”.
Afterlife beliefs
If you’re not religious – and, frankly, often even if you are – the question of what happens after death can be a concerning one. Of course, no-one has any definite answers although lots of people sure have very definite opinions on the subject.
However, this answer seems less an opinion and more the voice of bitter experiment. As someone once said, there’s nothing like a death to mess up a family and show people in their true lights.
Don’t mess with Grandma
If you ever thought that older people cease thinking about their appearance, Grandma Gertrude is here to prove you wrong. And, sure, you might scoff at her remark as much as Tyler Steven Frederick did – but be warned….this Grandma always has a comeback.
Tyler Steven Frederick’s response to Grandma Gertrude’s proud claim isn’t remotely original and loses any possible punch as a result. Her response to him, however, is perfectly pitched.
You know the answer
Ah, YouTube: where else can you go to watch dancing hamsters, clips from every SNL ever, montages of your favorite ‘ships set to the latest Taylor Swift tunes and…..adverts. Yes, adverts: the curse of the YouTube age.
And that curse is what makes this short reply to what is, itself, an advert such a winner. If only there were prizes for answers such as these. Instead, there are probably just more adverts.
Spit it out
Crude and cringemaking though it is, this retort is an interesting update on the old favorite, catch-all response of “your mother”. (Tip: if you want to adopt this comeback as your own, do be careful where – and to whom – you use it.)
Who knows what warlock punk is not quite managing to spit out to Yupthatsdan’s satisfaction. And, frankly, who cares – because who can focus on anything more than the amusing response!
The dangers of generalising
Here we have someone else who’s all too ready to treat women as an amorphous lump, who all think, feel, desire and, yup, appreciate the same things. And while Mr (or, possibly, Ms) Red Stripe might have the vestiges of a point, the generalisation is thoughtless at best and erasive at worst.
Ms Blue Stripe doesn’t hesitate to point out the lack of critical thinking. Needless to say, it really shouldn’t take a lesbian to point out the blindingly obvious.
Roasting – the historical way
A seventeenth century businessman, privateer and slave trader, Robert Surcouf can’t live up to modern ideals. However, even as we doubt his sense of his own honor, we can still appreciate this pithy comeback of his.
No doubt the captive British officer in Surcouf’s hands was at least a little pleased with his own verbal challenge to Frenchman. No doubt, too, the Brit was crestfallen by Surcouf’s response, even if he regarded it as nonsense.
The truth hurts
When the news is full of billionaires and their private jets, their super yachts and their trips to space or down to the deepest depths of the ocean, it can be difficult to credit them with much in the way of either sanity or empathy. After all, with so many other more fundamental and worthy calls on funds, how do these people live with themselves?
Of course, they probably don’t much care what anyone else thinks. However, let’s hope at least one or two of them catches sight of this witty comeback, which so neatly summarises what drives so many of the world’s richest people.
A good put-down
A good put-down is a wonderful thing. When actress Ilka Chase turned her hand to writing books, she received a fair amount of interest – both positive and negative. As an actress, she’d have been used to reviews of all stripes, and learned a thing or two about handling them.
When another actress told her – perhaps genuinely – that she’d enjoyed a particular book, and wanted to know who wrote it on Chase’s behalf, Chase didn’t hesitate. She retaliated with a put-down that was even more vicious than the one she’d just been dealt.
How to make them care
When Shannon Watts highlighted Texan policy relating to missing juveniles, she was doubtless hoping for some sort of response – and preferably a policy change. We can’t know whether she anticipated or appreciated the response she got here but it seems apt.
After all, if media reports are to be believed, the police in Texas will pursue you with more vigor if you’ve had or are seeking an abortion than if you’re a vulnerable young person gone missing from home.
Anti-vaxxers
There’s nothing like a fervent anti-vaxxer to get the blood pressure rising. With most anti-vaxxers apparently as immune to criticism as their kids are not immune to common communicable diseases, it can be difficult to know what to say to them.
However, this X user hit upon the perfect response to one mom’s proud boast that her eight-month-old twins enjoy rude health despite no shots. As deliberate misunderstandings go, it’s an instant classic.
Bet she couldn’t resist!
Sometimes a mom has to get her jabs and jibes in where she can. And this mom’s kid practically gift-wrapped this opportunity. How could she have resisted, especially if she happens to have a kid who calls her by accident more often than he calls her on purpose!
Hopefully the young recipient took the response in the spirit in which it was (we hope) intended – and is more careful with cell phone use in future.
Battle of the superheroes
This one won’t have gone down well in a country where Vietnam remains a touchy subject and America’s role in the conflict is still questioned today. However what better way to make a valid point than with humor?
Captain America, one of the first Marvel comic strip heroes, is an American institution even if he has struggled somewhat to adjust to life in modern day life. It’s a valid suggestion, therefore, that he might also struggle in the face of a new superhero: Captain Vietnam.
SPAG
If you spend much time at all on Depop and other similar selling sites, you’ve almost certainly seen pile-ons triggered by someone’s poor spelling, grammar or punctuation. Mostly it’s schoolyard bullying stuff that at least provides a heads up on users to avoid.
However the potential buyer of this sweater was having none of it. After having her spelling (or typo) of “available” corrected and then enduring a short lecture on SPAG shortcomings, it’s understandable that she couldn’t resist offering her own correction.
Lead us not into temptation….
Ha ha! The first poster is apparently asking a genuine question, seeking clarification of a word used by someone else in a previous post. Except, of course, it’s not a genuine question because anyone with even half a brain would guess that the intended word was “temptation”.
And the second poster can’t resist making this point in a squirm-inducing way – at least you have to hope that the original poster squirmed a little when they saw their true intention laid bare for all to see.
Get real
Winter’s great, isn’t it! Curling up under a snuggly throw, enjoying hot chocolate, while watching a Hallmark movie and perhaps listening to distant carol singers. Lovely lovely, seasonally lovely! And, if you attempt to demur or pose a different opinion, you’ll get called a grinch, a killjoy or asked if you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.
However, of course, winter is only as bearable and enjoyable as the accessories, equipment and facilities that you have to help you through it. As this commentator suggests, you just try it without the warm clothes, the bedding, the hot drinks and, yes, even the house!
Own goal
“Strident”, “harpy”, “man-hater”, “ugly”: if you’re a feminist or, frankly, even if you’re female, these are insults you’ll have heard at least once or twice. Knowing how to respond or whether to bother at all is tricky.
However, if anyone ever levels the insult reported at the top of this short exchange, it’s well worth remembering the reply. It’s a gem – and, quite rightly, throws back responsibility for one’s own behavior on the idiot who made the initial “observation”.
Timekeeping
After seeing this cartoon, if you’re someone who’s perpetually late, you might find yourself wishing – at least for a while – for a time machine to take you back to the Stone Age.
The second guy’s response is short, sweet and couldn’t be closer to the point even if it was pinned to it. After all, if there’s no concept of time, how can anyone be late for anything? (But, yes, for these purposes we will ignore the fact that time is less an invention and more a scientific concept that even our Stone Age ancestors would have measured via the sun.)
Blurry vision
This smiling guy in military uniform perhaps doesn’t have all the attributes needed to make a competent soldier. His targets are clearly identified by the shaded circles. Unfortunately for the (fortunately imaginary) hostage, our hero’s shots all made contact with the hostage rather than the hostage-taker……
It’s a funny photograph anyway but !Kaje’s response makes it even better. Understandably, the soldier’s identity is disguised via the blurring of his features and !Kaje plays on that to make this a picture no-one will forget in a hurry.
Pay me
The saying that “money can’t buy happiness” often seems sanctimonious – especially to those who are in dire financial need and also to those who struggle to make ends meet. However, how do you respond to someone who says this to you?
It’s not the most succinct of responses or explanations but it’s pretty thorough and makes its point. It also gets across something of the frustration, or desperation, felt by the author. What’s not clear, however, if it was ever read by the person for whom it was intended and, if so, whether its truth hit home.